The Baby Grand has arrived. I was so moved by the miracle of new life, that I went to an actual shop and purchased a small floppy rabbit suitable for babies under three months old. For clarity, this was not a real rabbit, but a stuffed toy rabbit.
Then my largesse got the better of me and I decided that what every baby brother needs is a Superhero older brother, so I invested in a Batman outfit, suitable for children aged 2-4 years. The Grand may not be the Baby Grands idea of a Superhero but he’s definitely mine.
“How does Batman’s mummy call him in for his food?” I asked the Grand.
“Get your food,” the Grand shouted as he took off his clothes and we all jumped in to tell him that there was no need to take his pants off.
“Dinner, dinner, dinner BATMAN!” I trotted out to the rhythm of the Batman theme music.
There was a small hiatus in proceedings as the Grand went in search of the Bat ears that were a bit on the snug side and had pinged off. He pulled his Bat ears down as hard as he could. They swivelled round his toddler head until his Bat ears were out of line and he was more of a Snark than a Superhero.
“Why/” he said, looking truly bemused.
“Well, when you eat a meal, sometimes it’s called Dinner.”
“No” he said and went off to speak to the DiL. Once enveloped by the safety of her lap he asked her “What does Batman’s Mummy say?”
“I don’t know, what does Batman’s Mummy say?” the Dil answered.
“I don’t know either,” said the Grand.
The joke may be a concept that has been a little prematurely launched on my part but I have other plans.
In the latest batch of photos the Son has uploaded, there is a very good photos of the Grand and I playing football. In true elite athletic style, the Grand is blowing a bubble and I am providing some touchline encouragement with my eyes shut.
Always alert to the possibility of new opportunities and keen to try new things in life, I have seen the main chance and I’m taking it.
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer may have enjoyed a long and loyal career with Manchester United, but I think it’s all over now. I know an excellent blind Goal Ball player who coaches his son’s sighted under twelves team. They’ve enjoyed a couple of good seasons and so I see no reason why ManU couldn’t be the lucky beneficiary of this approach. It’s worked for the Harpenden juniors.
The coach I’m thinking of is fully occupied but I photograph well on the touchline with my eyes open or shut. I know a lot about ducking and diving, dodging and weaving and I can handle difficult questions from the media. My ability to suck my breath in through my teeth in moments of high drama would televise well. Is Grandstand still airing or Saturday pm?
I don’t know anything about football but if we let ignorance get in the way of progress, nothing in life would happen. When it comes down to it, it’s all a leap of faith.
I’m wondering what the chances are of getting the Glazer family to commit themselves to a new uber league for Goal ball. Murrey Walker would do a great commentary, if he were still alive. I wonder if I’ve got my starter wires crossed there. Anyway, Gary Linekar would provide great match analysis, and since it’s in such a good cause, I’m sure he’d bring the crisps
As Robin might say. “Holy margarine Batman.”