Beans For Tea

The most I have ever grown is a single radish sometime in the seventies.  My Dad used to give me runner bean and the odd courgette plant. Sometimes they thrived and sometimes they died. More accurately, I killed them. I’m feeling pretty smug as I’ve grown much of my lawn …

Women Need Sheds

My garden shed has been gently dissolving into the ground for some time now. In every cost there is an opportunity. Having sat down with the Right Hand Neighbour to consider our shed options, I settled on a modest affair just right to stuff old ironing boards in. Yvonne (not …

The Dog Ate My Glasses

I discovered I might be wearing the wrong reading glasses.  I might have been wearing the wrong prescription for more than a decade.  I’ve been using glasses that are designed for reading a book. I have long since stopped reading books. I read my computer screen. Wearing the wrong prescription …

What Not To Buy For Christmas

Everyone has a drawer of dud gifts for recycling. Don’t they? In my drawer are quite a few crystal angels with the power to heal – allegedly.  These were given by people who like to knit their own mung beans.  There is a selection of magnifying glasses I don’t know …

Locked Out

There are lots of apples falling off the tree in next doors garden. There is an abundance of windfalls, in my garden, that the local wildlife like to avail themselves of. In my efforts to deter the marauding intruders with fur, tails and long yellow teeth, I have just been …

Biff, Chip, Kipper and Me.

My picky friends have pointed out that this blog is full of idiosyncratic spelling mistakes. I plead visual impairment! Early attempts at reading were centred around the adventures of Peter and Jane who rolled around in the front seat of the family car, chased moving buses and took to an …

Do As I Say ..

The infamous man drawer, that drawer in the kitchen which men claim for themselves as the place to store spent batteries and old light bulbs, is not the sole preserve of men. Michael McIntyre is not the only one who can order a Chinese takeaway on a Nokia 3210 and …

Hanging on the Telephone

The All Party Parliamentary Group on Eye-Care and Visual Impairment has just published a report on the state of eye care in the NHS. The heart of the matter seems to be the inconsistent and sometimes plain illogical way that services are provided. The report isn't a bundle of laughs …

Speak Your Weight

As if it's not enough to be shouted at by people, who in the face of some obvious revelation feel the need to defend themselves by yelling, I now find myself being challenged by machines that speak. A few years ago I invested in a speaking alarm clock. It's a …

The Bagging Area

A long long time ago when God was a boy and before I had teeth, I can remember sitting on the counter in the green grocers while he weighed out sugar to be bagged up in a heavy duty blue bag sealed shut with tape. Now that I have teeth …